Reporting Dan Bernstein
Filed underBears, Bernstein's Columns, Blogs, Sports, Syndicated Sports, The Boers And Bernstein Show
By Dan Bernstein-
CBSChicago.com Senior Columnist
(CBS) Stop it guys, you’re killing me.
I mean, really. My sides are still hurting. Congratulations to the Titans, on the comedy event of the fall. That was some performance. Not that the Bears didn’t contribute, either. Or the broadcasters.
The first eight Tennessee drives ending in fumble, punt, blocked punt returned for touchdown, punt, punt, interception returned for touchdown, fumble, punt? Sheer brilliance. I would have loved to have been in the writers’ meetings for that.
The whole “pretending not to be aware that Charles Tillman tries to punch the ball out” routine was inspired slapstick. Who knew, right? It’s not like there’s any film or anything. Oops, the ball’s out again! Who IS that guy? Whaa happen? And going to the well for that one four times takes some chutzpah, but I gotta admit it worked. Funny is funny.
- Recap & Highlights
- Hoge’s Grades: Tillman, Marinelli Deserve Multiple Awards Now
- 24 Hours Later: Holmes Breaks Down Bears-Titans
- Podcast: Doug & OB Postgame
- Photos: Bears 51, Titans 20
Whoever came up with Tennessee’s back-to-back penalties for illegal formation deserves a raise. Sure it’s derivative of stuff from the old Steve Allen show, but what isn’t? To have the same receiver in the exact same wrong place was just the unexpected twist we needed.
Bears offensive line play is always good for a few moments, of course. Rare to see a tackle pushed to the ground ten yards behind the line of scrimmage on a straight-ahead run play, but leave it to them. The hands to the face in the end zone for a safety was certainly creative.
Mike Tice’s crew held up well enough to let Jay Cutler find Brandon Marshall for three scores, so things should be even wackier this week when Tice does his vastly over-praised stand-up bit, which I assume will now include the “pull my finger” joke, and his killer version of “The Aristocrats.” Maybe he’ll do impersonations.
Loved the Brian Urlacher bit, too, shambling forward to the end zone like Fred Sanford in the throes of his signature, fake heart-attack. One Twitter wit asked what Paul Konerko was doing in the 54 jersey.
Never one too proud to correct himself, Brian Billick’s FOX analysis of the 47-yard screen pass to Matt Forte included the observation “Great block by Lance Louis…excuse me, Louis Lance.” Whichever.
But two former Northwestern players with impact contributions on the same scoring play in an NFL game? That might be stretching the bounds of plausibility.
Can’t leave out the mustaches that put the stylistic touch on the proceedings, particularly the lip-caterpillars sported by Cutler and Urlacher. (I know they’re for the Movember charity, but I don’t care – for one, I have plenty of “awareness of men’s health,” and so do you. And anything still proudly affiliated with Livestrong merits a raised eyebrow.) Both players looked like either 1972 Oakland A’s, low-rent porn actors, or assistant managers at a Rockford-area Hardee’s.
And people say there are too few good comedies on TV anymore, crowded out by cheap reality shows. Sometimes, reality is as hilarious as it gets.
The 51-20 win caps off the silly portion of the Bears’ schedule – Jacksonville, Detroit, Carolina, and Tennessee outscored by a total of 128 to 52, an average score of 32-13. Fun, fun, fun. Weekly individual accolades, crazy statistics and bigger dreams.
The Houston Texans are also 7-1, and they’re not laughing.