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Ten Foot Mailbag: Jordan’s Birthday And An Emailing Bigot

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Michael Jordan. (Credit: Doug Pensinger/Allsport)

Michael Jordan. (Credit: Doug Pensinger/Allsport)

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By Tim Baffoe-

(CBS) Hey, do you know that Sunday is Michael Jordan’s 50th birthday? It’s possible you don’t because you’re not extremely simple and just might happen to be one of the few people who doesn’t concern himself or herself with mundane anniversaries of a stranger not dying.

I understand that this is the doldrums of the American sports year. NBA All-Star Weekend is a yardmarker of regular season ennui that sets in about February that itches for the playoffs to get going. And when the mutated monolith of sports manure refuses to give the NHL substantial coverage, Joe and Josephine Sportsfan (note: don’t marry someone with the opposite gender version of your first name, e.g. Robert and Roberta or Kyle and Kylie. One of you must legally change your first name or go by your middle name for the sake of decency. Otherwise you’re likely one of those terrible parents that names your kids with the same initials) have little to occupy their sports soul; thus, so many readily eat up the slop some in the media slap on their plates. Case in point, ERMAGERD IT’S MJ’S BIRFDAY HE’S THE BESTEST EVER BIRFDAY CAKE I LIKE OWSCREAM CAKE.

Here’s a proposition—ignore the convenient-yet-crappy story made by print and audio/visual media during the barren tundra of February. Give up consuming BS for Lent. If you’re not privy, Lent is when Catholics give up chocolate for 40 days as a shout-out to the guy responsible for Christmas sales for having spikes driven into his extremities to hold him on a giant wooden cross while he asphyxiated. So even if you’re not Catholic, try for a month—just one measly month—to consciously avoid sports stories of no substance. See if it makes you a better sports fan, a more discerning fan.

Weekend. Be it.

On to your correspondence. All emails and tweets are unedited.

Just one email this week, actually. This person was so moved by a sports column that he felt compelled to type all this and click send. Its author’s words are in bold. My words are not.

Hi Tim

Just thought I would drop you a line to disagree with your opinion on those of us that don’t approve of the homosexual lifestyle.  Who are you to say we are wrong ?  Any more than we are to say you are …………..?

So you are someone who equates approval with believing in equality. I don’t approve of things many people—take yourself, for example—say or believe, but I wouldn’t deny you or anyone else the opportunity to express them. I’ve long believed that was a part of the whole “life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness” thing that some people cite only when convenient.

I prefer to let the facts speak for themselves.

Just the cherry-picked ones that come after the conclusion you’ve established in the very un-scientific method way (found a rainbow graphic for you), but okay.

Sex of any variety is a CHOICE and a chosen behavior.  

Variety sex? Is that like the oatmeal you buy with all the different flavors, and after a while just original flavor is left, and you have to have a serious self-reflection on whether or not you toss it in the trash and buy a new box? Do you sometimes feel like original flavor?

Choice to have it, choice to abstain, choice with whom to have it.  Would you
care to deny this much so far ?

Victims of sexual assault would beg to differ.

Only a fool could postulate that same sex is “normal behavior” and therefore it is by definition “abnormal”.

Glad I never postulated that. “Postulated” sounds kind of dirty, though, doesn’t it? Maybe I have the wrong take on you so far. Maybe you got a bit of a freak flag of your own.

Also, I’d ask that you consult a credible psychosexual expert on a definition of “normal sex.” I’d be very curious to hear a definition.

Let’s leave the Bible out of this and keep it strictly on a civilized level for discussion.

The Bible (which I never brought into this) should not be a part of civilized discussion, according to you. Got it.

My biggest problem with folks like you is that you go way beyond acceptance and well into the promotion phase,

This mailbag is actually sponsored by Gaisex (liberacemil ladygagate). Are you feeling not like your usually fabulous self? In a more “Careless Whisper” mood than “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”? Ask your doctor about Gaisex.

And with the “folks like you” nomenclature—how hard was it for you not to call me a homophobic slur there? You so wanted to, didn’t you? Yeah, you did.

which actually calls for special treatment for gay people,

Right. I don’t ask that homosexuals be treated the same in society as us heterosexuals. I think they should be superior to us, even lead America and create our policies and laws.

and specifically suggests that young people should explore the gay lifestyle for themselves.  

I want young people to explore literature and history and science and philosophy and theology and sociology and learn to discern based on evidence and logic rather than emotion and to understand that just because something doesn’t fall in line with that which certain people have told you beforehand is correct, that doesn’t make it wrong or bad or something toward which one should be willfully ignorant. Very much do I not want them to embrace ignorance or follow blindly. I can’t say that child sex or children exploring sexuality is top of mind for me, though it appears to be for you.

You would prefer young people only be exposed to what doesn’t make you uncomfortable. Fantastically brutal, oppressive societies have been created from such. Nice job building a straw man here, though.

You suggest that the behavior be welcomed and even celebrated, that’s ridiculous.  

What’s ridiculous is you jumping to these incredibly stupid conclusions. Welcomed? Celebrated? For you, it’s a simple logical fallacy—to not condemn is to welcome and celebrate, as though I want people engaging in random public sex at all times.

There is nothing virtuous about homosexual behavior and it’s consequences.

What are the consequences? Buying drapes together?

Given the health issues that come with that, it can hardly be considered a sound recommendation for anyone.

You talk as though sexuality is a prescription.

-“Excuse me, what sexuality would you recommend for me?”
-“Hmm… well, you seem like a person that could use a lifetime of senseless persecution and ostracizing. I’d say homosexuality is right for you.”

Or like it’s buying tires. “Oh, yes, I recommend the gay kind. Really got me through the tough winter months.”

By the way, I am neither ignorant nor a bigot, and I don’t appreciate your inappropriate classification that I am either just because I disagree with your views.—Rodger Rang

I appreciate you emailing, you massively ignorant bigot. Hopefully you are not now nor will be in the future in a position of authority over anyone. You are not a good person, and you’re panicking because your fellow idiots are losing this battle that you see as a publicly ethical one, but in reality it’s an internal one.

What I am is someone who thinks it’s wrong for someone to concern himself or herself with someone’s lifestyle. I don’t find gay sex appealing, but like other things that don’t concern me—reality TV, the Twilight series, soccer—I just don’t think about it. You’d be surprised how satisfying to the soul it can be to be apathetic to other people’s lifestyles that don’t affect me whatsoever. A person confident in his own heterosexuality wouldn’t need to have a shred of concern for the sexuality of someone else. Take care of your own issues before trying to “fix” those of others.

Also, the name assigned to your email account is “Roger,” but you signed your letter “Rodger.” You seem to be confused on more than one level.

Thanks for emailing, tweeting, and reading. If your question did not get answered this time, that does not necessarily mean I am ignoring it. It may be saved for the next mailbag. Hopefully you’re a slightly better person now than you were ten minutes ago. If not, your loss.

Want your questions answered in a future Mailbag? Email them to tenfootmailbag@gmail.com or tweet them with the hashtag #TFMB. No question, sports or otherwise, is off limits (with certain logistical exceptions, e.g. lots of naughty words or you type in Portuguese or you solicit my death). If you email, please include a signature.

tim baffoe small Ten Foot Mailbag: Jordan’s Birthday And An Emailing Bigot

Tim Baffoe

Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa and Governors State University and began blogging at The Score after winning the 2011 Pepsi Max Score Search. He enjoys writing things about stuff, but not so much stuff about things. When not writing for 670TheScore.com, Tim corrupts America’s youth as a high school English teacher and provides a great service to his South Side community delivering pizzas (please tip him and his colleagues well). You can follow Tim’s inappropriate brain droppings on Twitter @Ten_Foot_Midget , but please don’t follow him in real life. He grew up in Chicago’s Beverly To read more of Tim’s blogs click here.

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