CBS 2 Chicago wbbm7801059 670 The Score

Gemini

Look at that. 2 Broke Girls won an award. Ain't that somethin'... (Credit: ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

Horrible Horoscopes

A roundup of all our recent Horrible Horoscopes! Like all horoscopes, they are very scientific and extremely accurate. Obviously. Please don’t let any of these offend you. Thanks!

03/21/2013

Here's one senior citizen who ain't letting his grandkids drag him down... (Credit: MATHILDE DE L'ECOTAIS/AFP/Getty Images)

Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

It’s not that your grandkids don’t love you, Gemini. It’s that they have no need for you anymore. They’re so preoccupied with the Googles and Faceborgs, they don’t need you to teach them the finer points of making pasta, how to build a wicked-sweet bookshelf, or the best rods to use for fly fishing.

03/04/2013

Oooh sweet goodness get into my mouth...(Credit: Tim Boyle)

Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

Sure, you thought you could make it as a big-time criminal mastermind, plotting the biggest maple syrup heist in history, but did that work out for you?

01/02/2013

(Credit: KIMIHIRO HOSHINO/AFP/Getty Images)

Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

Personally, I’m as liberal as the next guy. I say let it all hang out. Unfortunately, astrology isn’t based off my opinion. It’s based off the complicated positions of the stars and planets.

11/20/2012

Pretty much everyone hates you, Donald. (Credit: TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)

Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

Well in this world, the real one, if you look up at the sky in the hope of finding out something about your future, the Moon will most likely give you the middle finger, then tell you your comb over looks horrible from his/her vantage point. Even from way up there in space.

10/25/2012

Tall glass of puppy (Credit: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

You keep stealing puppies! I don’t get it. Is it the adrenaline rush? Are you addicted? To what? Stealing? Puppies? Both?

10/08/2012

You are going to be such a great mother, Snooki! (Credit: Rob Kim/Getty Images)

Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

Sure, babies seem like a big responsibility. They’re like little, fat sacks of tears. But once they’re old enough, four or five maybe, they can do all sorts of useful things for you…

09/24/2012

Admittedly, we have no idea what these young ladies have to do with Dr. Pepper. His daughters maybe? (Credit: John Parra/Getty Images)

Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.

09/18/2012

(credit: EVA HAMBACH/AFP/Getty Images)

Friday’s Bad Horoscopes

Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.

06/22/2012