Poem The News: Bully Condor Pole Dances At The LibraryPoem the News is exactly what it sounds like: reader-submitted poems based on CBS news stories. Submit your own?
Horrible Horoscopes: AriesI’m going to be honest, and I never thought I’d say this, but the Moon is really worried about your sperm count, Aries. Why does the Moon worry about your sperm count? I don’t know, bro. I just look at the alignment and communicate what it tells me, and right now the alignment of the Moon (and Harvard researchers) has some very foreboding things to say about your sperm.

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