CBS 2 Chicago wbbm7801059 670 The Score

Tale of the tape

  1. JACKSONVILLE, FL - SEPTEMBER 29: Blaine Gabbert #11 hands off to Maurice Jones-Drew #32 of the Jacksonville Jaguars during a game against the Indianapolis Colts at EverBank Field on September 29, 2013 in Jacksonville, Florida. A nurse puts 3D glasses on the face of a surgeon before an operation at the Argenteuil hospital, in a Paris suburb, on July 25, 2013. AFP PHOTO / FRED DUFOUR
    Less Painful: Watching Jacksonville Or Undergoing Invasive, Unnecessary Surgery?

    With the Jacksonville Jaguars unable to do anything right, and turning in performances reminiscent of the ’62 Mets absent any of the charm, watching their games is beyond brutal.

  2. EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - AUGUST 24: Eli Manning #10 of the New York Giants passes against the New York Jets during their pre season game at MetLife Stadium on August 24, 2013 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. CHICAGO, IL - AUGUST 29: Jay Cutler #6 of the Chicago Bears participates in warm-ups before a game against the Cleveland Browns at Soldier Field on August 29, 2013 in Chicago, Illinois. The Browns defeated the Bears 18-16.
    Tale Of The Tape: New York Giants At Chicago Bears

    The Giants have gotten off to a miserable start and much of it is on Eli Manning’s shoulders, but that doesn’t mean he’s not capable of beating a solid team like the Bears.

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    More Impressive Stats? Denver Broncos Offense Vs. Playing Madden On “Easy”

    The Broncos are on pace to break some crazy impressive records. But how do the 2013 Broncos measure up against when I play Madden on easy?

  4. New Orleans Saints v Tampa Bay Buccaneers Cleveland Browns v Chicago Bears
    Tale Of The Tape: New Orleans Saints At Chicago Bears

    The Saints are revitalized this season after last year’s non-playoff season. The offense is dangerous once again as Drew Brees excels at finding the weak spots in the defense and exploiting them.

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    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

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    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.