By Mason Johnson
Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry).
Gemini, the stars are indicating that you have terrible judgment. I hereby order you to go to an expert for all your future decisions: Dr. Pepper.
Dr. Pepper can help quench your thirst, energize you, and decide whether to believe in evolution or not. (Evolution — legit or crazy liberal myth? It’s hard to say!)
Sure, Dr. Pepper got his PHD in Women’s Studies from a non-accredited art school, but that doesn’t mean his advice is any less valuable.
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Mason Johnson knows zilch about astrology.