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Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

September 18, 2012 12:00 PM

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Admittedly, we have no idea what these young ladies have to do with Dr. Pepper. His daughters maybe? (Credit: John Parra/Getty Images)

Admittedly, we have no idea what these young ladies have to do with Dr. Pepper. His daughters maybe? (Credit: John Parra/Getty Images)

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry).

119527154 Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini

Admittedly, we have no idea what these young ladies have to do with Dr. Pepper. His daughters maybe? (Credit: John Parra/Getty Images)

Gemini

Gemini, the stars are indicating that you have terrible judgment. I hereby order you to go to an expert for all your future decisions: Dr. Pepper.

Dr. Pepper can help quench your thirst, energize you, and decide whether to believe in evolution or not. (Evolution — legit or crazy liberal myth? It’s hard to say!)

Sure, Dr. Pepper got his PHD in Women’s Studies from a non-accredited art school, but that doesn’t mean his advice is any less valuable.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Saturday at 12 and 2 pm. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows zilch about astrology.

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