By Mason Johnson
Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry).
Leo, fortune favors the bold…
… And the prepared.
Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse? It’s coming! The stars tell me so.
Wipe that smirk off your face, Leo – this is serious business. If it wasn’t, why have my parents been training me for the zombie apocalypse since I was 8? Everyone thinks it’s cool that I was homeschooled, but you try a full schedule of katana practice, wilderness training and archery every single day of your childhood.
Other kids got to go to Chuck-E-Cheese! Me? My mother would grab me by the shoulders every morning, shake me violently, and scream, “WHAT IF I TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE? WHAT WOULD YOU DO?”
If my answer wasn’t, “Aim for the head,” she’d slap me, Leo. She’d slap me silly.
Where was I?
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Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology and wants his childhood back.