Best Of Chicago

Horrible Horoscopes: Taurus

October 24, 2012 2:00 PM

Look, this kid is already making the world a better place and he hasn’t even lost all his baby teeth! (Credit: PETRAS MALUKAS/AFP/GettyImages)

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

Taurus

Look, this kid is already making the world a better place and he hasn’t even lost all his baby teeth! (Credit: PETRAS MALUKAS/AFP/GettyImages)

Taurus, you should arm yourself.

If it were legal for everyone to be properly armed–so they could, you know, protect themselves–the world would be a lot safer.

Take this little skunk-girl, for example. Had she been more accepting of conceal and carry, she could have defended herself.

When will the FAT CATS in the GOVERNMENT realize how important it is for little girls dressed like skunks to carry guns, Taurus? It’s up to your ingenuity to convince them!

Thanks for making the world a safer place, the stars knew you had it in you.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Friday. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.

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