The NFL preseason is over, and not a moment too soon. There’s only so much bad generic football us adoring fans can endure while waiting for the real thing. I’d say four games worth is about the limit; Redskins fans, of course, have a higher tolerance.
And now the regular season is here. Almost.
Just when you thought the NFL was back, it takes the weekend off. Every team played their last preseason game last night, which means none of them will play this weekend. You’ll need constructive activities to fill the void. Here are some suggestions.
1. Watch college football, which just kicked off. After all, these guys will be on your favorite pro team soon enough.
2. Watch last night’s preseason game again. (We know you DVR’d it.) But ACTUALLY WATCH the game. Cheer when your team scores. Throw stuff at the TV when someone makes a mistake. Want victory so bad you can taste it. Care more than you’ve cared for anything ever.
3. Imagine what it would be like to watch a real football game, with actual game plans, and players who will make a difference come opening day. Maybe get an electric football game to help you visualize and strategize.
4. Take a trip to Colorado with Josh Gordon. He has plenty of time now.
5. Laundry. You can never have too many clean socks.
6. Start a Kickstarter campaign to buy Daniel Snyder and the Redskins a new stadium. Contribute the first dollar. Smile, knowing you’ve made a billionaire a little bit richer.
7. Have a conversation with someone you’ll completely ignore once football season starts. That way you’ll have something in the bank when that same person wants to talk about fall foliage or their feelings or some other such nonsense one Sunday afternoon in the near future.
8. Incessantly tweet at RGIII on the finer points of sliding and/or running out of bounds. Or beg the Orioles’ Adam Jones to just show up at his house and teach him.
9. Pray that key players, like the backup left guard who is so critical to your team’s inevitable playoff run, don’t decide to play a little pickup basketball this weekend and blow a hammy.
10. Be grateful you’re not a Texans or Vikings fan. If you’re a Texans or Vikings fan, curse life.
11. Troll Richard Sherman with pictures of your pay stubs to see if he’ll send you a picture of his Super Bowl ring too.
12. Predict which second-stringers will become the WWE Heavyweight Champion in his post-NFL career.
13. Laugh at Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, because what else can you really do at this point? And, frankly, it feels pretty good too.
14. See how many fantasy football mock drafts you can conduct at once, without using auto-draft.
15. Drink (responsibly).
16. Create a drinking game out of your mock draft experiment. The rule: Drink whenever you miss a pick. See if you can actually field a team before passing out.
17. Tailgate. Who says tailgating requires a game? Break in a new grill; try out a new recipe. The near-arrival of opening day definitely warrants a party of epic proportions.
18. Catch up on any Tailgate Fan episodes you missed last season. Why? 1. Because Jerry Miller is absolutely hilarious! 2. Did you read #1? He’s a riot. You don’t need another reason.
19. Thank the heavens above that the regular season is only a week away.
Norm Elrod likes sports and other sanctioned forms of craziness.