(CBS) — The crime was unimaginable: a baby was suffocated and thrown into a dumpster.

CBS 2’s Suzanne Le Mignot reports for the first time, the victim’s mother talks about what she’s doing to get closure.

Many of us don’t think of a loved one, each time we look at a garbage truck, but for the mother you’re about to meet, that’s her reality every single day.She was never able to have a funeral for her son, but she will, celebrate his life.

It may have been nearly two years since 5-month-old Joshua Summeries’ murder, but for his mother, Kisha Woods Summeries, it seems as if it happened yesterday.

“People don’t know what I’m going through, what I’ve been through, to lose a son, I mean, it’s devastating,” she said. “I just try to take it day by day.”

It was August of 2013. Kisha Woods Summeries’ baby, Joshua is reported missing. Later, she learns the horrifying truth. Her former boyfriend, Demetries Thorpe, admitted suffocating the infant, because the child wouldn’t stop crying.

“I didn’t think that he was like that,” Woods Summeries said. “I trusted him. It’s just been hard.”

Thorpe told police he put the baby in a backpack and threw him in a dumpster. A three day search of a nearby landfill, found no signs of baby Joshua. His mother is now planning a memorial service to celebrate her son’s life. It will be held at 1 p.m. on April 25, right across from the Zion apartment complex where Joshua died.

“It’s cold outside. I want my son, I wish my son was warmer, but I know, he’s not, that’s why I’m planning blankets to heaven,” Woods Summeries said.

She said little pieces of blanket material will be tied to balloons that will be released to the sky.

Thorpe was sentenced to 30 years in prison for Joshua’s murder. His mother not only lost him, but her four other children were taken away by DCFS after the murder. She says she’s been working through the system to get them back.