Horrible Horoscopes: TaurusPeople are gullible sheep. Sheeple, if you want to get technical. Lie, and they’ll believe you. It can’t be a small lie though. Small lies never work. It’s gotta be a big lie. If you want to go to Disneyland, you can just say your children were kidnapped and you need to get them back Liam Neeson (a la Taken) style.
Horrible (Love) Horoscopes: Aries & TaurusAries & Taurus, you are by no means compatible. At all. And Taurus, come on, I thought the days of dating girls 100 years your junior were past you! True, love can overcome all odds, but some odds shouldn’t be overcome. Creepy near-pedophilia and vampiric cannibalism are two of those odds.
Horrible Horoscopes: TaurusWhen will the fat cats in the government realize how important it is for little girls dressed like skunks to carry guns, Taurus? It's up to your ingenuity to convince them!
Horrible Horoscopes: TaurusThe Moon feels it’s a monumental waste of time to oppose gay marriage, and doesn’t quite understand why the country of the “free” can’t just, you know, ALLOW EVERYONE THE SAME RIGHTS...
Horrible Horoscopes: TaurusMason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Friday's Bad HoroscopesMason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, "What's your sign?" at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius... ladies.