By Mason Johnson

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While many would say the soundtrack of Chicago is the unique, lonely sound of blues that came up from the Mississippi river, others know the “real” truth:

Chicago’s true tune is a rap song about beef, pork and a famous South Side grocer…

EAT THEM. No, but seriously, if they were Moo & Oink's mascots, could you ever eat pork again? (Credit: JOHANNES EISELE/AFP/Getty Images)

EAT THEM. No, but seriously, if they were Moo & Oink’s mascots, could you ever eat pork again? (Credit: JOHANNES EISELE/AFP/Getty Images)

With a commercial that amazing, it’s a surprise Moo & Oink ended up going into bankruptcy in 2011. While their stores are gone, it does look like you can buy some of their products at other grocers and online. I’ve yet to have their post-bankruptcy meat, someone should let me know if it’s good or terrible in the comments.

UPDATE: Moo & Oink was nice enough to contact me on Twitter to talk about their meat: “The meat is the same as before. The company which purchased Moo & Oink was already producing their products.” Sounds like good news to me!

Let’s be clear, Moo & Oink isn’t just named after the sounds of any ol’ cow and pig you’d find on a farm – Moo & Oink is named after specific cow and pig mascots you see in their videos. This has to make you ask: what would make anyone like these mascots? And if they do like these mascots, what would make someone want to eat the meat of these mascots? If anything, I would want to hate these mascots since I’d soon be munching on, if not their ribs, one of their relatives’ ribs.

Marketing gold: a mascot that you hate. Why hasn’t a company done this? Attempted to make a mascot that was so horrible people actively wanted to eat it. Make a pig and cow combo so vile and evil that even vegetarians find themselves wanting some of Moo & Oink’s rib tips for the simple sake of revenge. Imagine this: a pig with a five o’clock shadow, a toothpick in its mouth and a slight accent you can’t quite place (xenophobes are everywhere, what can I say) making “your momma” jokes as you wait for Two and a Half Men to come back from commercial break. Tell me you wouldn’t want to roast that sucker over a spigot and eat every morsel, all out of hate!

To be honest, I definitely hate the new versions of Moo & Oink’s mascots (oh hey, there’s a turkey named Gobble now, how wonderful).

Though, as a meat-eater, I’ve never really needed a reason to eat everyone’s favorite cartoon cow.

Still, the mascot thing don’t make any sense to me…

Mason Johnson, CBS Chicago

Read Mason’s incredibly immature, inappropriate and idiotic twitter here.