By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry).

You are going to be such a great mother, Snooki! (Credit: Rob Kim/Getty Images)


Gemini, now that your life is totally in order (it is, right?) it might be time to have children.

Sure, babies seem like a big responsibility. They’re like little, fat sacks of tears. But once they’re old enough–four or five maybe–they can do all sorts of useful things for you:

Mow your lawn
Grab you beer from the fridge
Help you hit on people at the mall
Make it easier to collect welfare
And, most of all, fill your life with love and happiness

So do it. Go make some babies.

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Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.