By Mason Johnson

Fridays are boring. Here are some reader-submitted poems based on CBS news articles. You’re welcome. Find out how to submit your own poems here. Read more “Poem the News” poems here.

This image by Meghan Rock is based off the article “Book Comes Back To New York City Library — 55 Years Late.” (Credit: Meghan Rock)

Love is in the air, friends! How do I know? The sneezing. And my itchy eyes. A general exhaustion deep down in my bones. That’s how I know.

Thankfully, none of the poems below have anything to do with love. Unless a man chasing a condor on ice is a metaphor for my failing libido. Which it is not.

Poems below! Three of them. The best three I was sent this week! Written by readers just like you. The audacity! I made comments on each poem, you’ll find my constructive words italicized. This week I have two reader-submitted images too, one by Meghan Rock and another by Jovial Jellyfish. This is a reminder that poetry can come in any form, whether that form is words constructed in stanzas, an image, a video — whatever!

Let There Be Poems

phone call to mom by Cean Gamalinda
‘Bully Bandit’ Strikes Again, This Time In Berwyn

yeah mom, it’s the same bank i go to
the one on berwyn over by that chinese
          restaurant we went to for your birthday two years ago
it’s
it’s yeah mom
it’s like
yeah mom
yeah i remember that waiter with the
no mom listen i’m trying to
mom
mom
i’m trying to tell you about this bully
          bandit guy that robs that one bank i
paint? what? i
mom
no mom i never said anything about paint
i said bank
bang-k
no mom not
no not paint, bank
yeah i’ll be careful
yeah mom i’ll
mom
don’t worry
there’s nothing to worry about, if i
          or anyone has or discovers information
          they should call the FBI at (312) 421-6700

A+ — Super great! Whenever I call your mom, we talk about other things, if ya know what I mean? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? … Eh?

CLICK TO ENLARGE THIS BEAUTY. Jovial Jellyfish is very concerned about the price of gas. This image was based off “Gas Prices Heading Up Again.” (Credit: Jovial Jellyfish)

showing up early to a pole dancing class and falling in love w/ the poems of philip larkin Michael O’Brien
Library Gives Free Pole Dancing Lessons To Help Boost Attendance

the last time i visited a library
was nineteen-eighty-five
my father took my brother and i
a week before he decided
to leave his family for a new life
w/ his secretary in australia

i am half-an-hour early
i nervously make eye contact
w/ a library assistant
there is no information in sight
i need to ask him where the classes are
w/ no courage to do this
i disappear between the rows of books

A + — Australia’s very nice this time of the year, Michael. Just wanted you to know that.

(Credit: Yuri Tutov/AFP/Getty Images)

Condor Ruins Beautiful Sporting Event on Ice by Wyatt Sparks
Condor Wreaks Havoc During National Anthem At Hockey Game

Personally, this was a big move for us
me and the bird
nobody books a vulture anymore

but slipping and slipping
it looked baaaaad
there the naked neck
it’s an ice tragedy for america
the anthem was going
there were hats on peoples’ heads
too afraid of the bird
to sing and eat

then skating and shoeing
all the strong guys of the world
afraid of the fiercest caw

wranglers win 4-1

A+ — HEY, WYATT. Please stop with the metaphors about my libido okay thanx.

You did it! You wrote poems! You freakin’ hippies.

No, really, they were great, thanks for submitting them.

Now submit more! Everyone. To find out how, click here. Seriously, I can’t keep doing this if people aren’t submitting poems. Remember, no poem is too stupid. In fact, stupid is preferred.

Read more “Poem the News” poems here!

Mason Johnson has an extraordinarily inappropriate and unintelligent twitter account.